i have found true love.

I don't really expect people to understand when I explain my feelings for him. Because I can't even describe them myself. All I know is, they're so strong and so undeniable that I can't stop loving him. I have found someone who can make me feel completely comfortable and 'first-date' nervous at the same time. I believe that's true love. He is one of the best things to ever happen to me. We may be dysfunctional. We may bicker constantly. We may challenge each other. And we may be completely different. But, I couldn't love him more. And without him, I didn't feel the simplicities in the world. The sky was just the sky, and I was just a girl. And without him, neither seemed quite as exquisite and beautiful. He makes me smile all the time. He makes me laugh. I'm truly happy when I'm with him. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

You need to know.

Everyone deserves love without terms and conditions. Everyone has a right to live their life the way they want. Everyone has a right to be happy without feeling guilty. No one deserves abuse. No one is not good enough for healthy love. No one has the right to hurt anyone. Everyone can be happy. Everyone feels completely alone and lost sometimes. It is okay to be yourself. It's okay to do what you want to do. It's okay to be happy with yourself, your life. It's okay to say no. You need to be honest with everyone/everything you can, don't listen to anyone but yourself. Do anything you want as long as it's not hurting someone else. You deserve the best. You can have it if you want it bad enough.

i don't care.

i don't care if it hurts. i want to have control. i want a perfect body. i want a perfect soul. i believe at times i am missing out. like everything good is happening somewhere else. i think we spend too much time wondering why we're not good enough we spend too much time overanazlying over-thinking, and overreacting. we waste too much time putting ourselves down, so much that we don't ever stop to see that we are good enough.


i never want to refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. i just want to keep my mind open and suck in the experience and if it hurts, you know what? it's probably worth it.

Perhaps I should read my own words sometimes.

I have not been inspired by anything lately. I want to make a difference, a big change. I'm a great thinker, and I like to express that through blogs, but it's so difficult. My way with words is not what it used to be. Even trying to convey a simple idea or thought leads me to become completely tangled up in my own efforts. I am always wanting more. And instead of words and music flowing through my mind, it feels like my mind is nothing but dusty air. All I can contain is work. All I do is worry. All I do is waste away in front of screens, looking at things I can't have. Wishing I had this, I had that, I had more money. My brain has been so consumed with work and money. I don't get enough sleep. I may be smiling, and I might not be that ugly. But I feel like I am. I've got some issues that nobody can see, but what human doesn't? Today I'll create something beautiful.

life is an occasion. rise to it.

Life would be so much more interesting if people randomly broke out into happy songs in the middle of a crowded street, just like Broadway. It would be so nice if something made sense for a change. I'm not sure if I'm happy or completely lost right now. Definitely a little lost, but aren't we all? I have no idea what I'm doing in my life, or where I'm going. And I think I'm okay with that right now. The trouble with so many of us is that we underestimate the power of simplicity. We have a tendency, it seems, to over complicate our lives and forget what's important and what's not. We tend to mistake movement for achievement. We tend to focus on our activities instead of results. And as the pace of life continues to race along the outside world, we forget we have the power to control our lives regardless of what's going on outside.

i'd settle for a slow down.

If we had any nerve at all, If we had any real balls as a society, or whatever you need, whatever quality you need, real character, we would make an effort to really address the wrongs in this society, righteously. I wish you could turn off the questions, turn off the voices, turn off all sound. Learn to close out the ugliness, close out the filthiness, close out all light. Long to cast away yesterday, cast away memory, cast away all jeapordy. Pray you could somehow stop uncertainty, somehow stop the loathing, somehow stop the pain. We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

When you see things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When you see things as good, other things become bad. Being and non-being create each other. Difficult and easy support each other. Long and short define each other. High and low depend on each other. Before and after follow each other. Therefore, act without doing, and teach without saying. Things arise; let them come. Things disappear; let them go. Have, but don't posess. Act, but don't expect. When your work is done, forget it. That is why it will last forever.

You have to learn the rules of the game, then play it better than everyone else.

It does not count if you believe in yourself when it's easy to believe in yourself. It does not count if you believe the world can be a better place when the future looks bright. It does not count if you think you're going to make it when the finish line is right in front of you. It counts when it's hard to believe in yourself, when it looks like the world's going to end, and you've still got a long way to go. That's when it counts. That's when it matters the most.

In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done, some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are. Maybe we are meant to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. Maybe it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're going to deal with next. You learn to take life as it comes at you, to make each day count. You can find good in anybody. If you give them a chance, benefit of a doubt, sometimes people disappoint you, sometimes they surprise you, but you never really get to know them until you listen to what's in their heart. Why give people the satisfaction of letting them get the best of you, when you clearly know that they envy and want to be you. You should feel bad that they are pathetic to want to live their lives through your downfall. People are too weak to follow their own dreams and will find every way possible to try and discourage yours. It's a natural thing. Don't curse it; bless it, because these pathetic losers encourage my conceit.